Do you ever wonder if your child just isn't very good at paying attention? Maybe you think they have 'selective hearing' and only hear the instructions they want to hear. Or maybe they seem to switch between different activities without ever settling to finish one.

Well, time for you to pay attention to the following information!

The first thing it is important to know, is that there are different kinds of attention skills:

Our ability to focus on something (for example, to look at a puzzle);
Our ability to sustain our attention on a task for a length of time (for example, to finish a puzzle);
Our ability to switch our attention between tasks (to be able to pause in doing our puzzle to listen to mum tell us something).

The second thing it is important to know is that our attention skills are developmental - they grow and develop just like walking and talking.

So the older we are, the better our attention skills should become;
Young children's brains just aren't developmentally ready for certain kinds of attention skills (just like we don't expect our 6 month olds to be walking and speaking in sentences!);
And we need to have lots of opportunities to practice our attention skills in order for them to improve.

A child whose attention skills are developing well is more likely to be able to listen well, develop effective social and emotional skills, develop their academic skills, memory skills, and their speech and language skills. In fact, it is difficult to find areas of development that aren't affected by attention and listening skills! This is why, if your child is struggling (be it with speech and language, social communication or behaviour) often the best place to begin helping them is with their attention skills.

Our attention skills develop in a generally predictable pattern:

up to 12 months: your child can focus on things but will be distracted by everything (fleeting attention)! Their attention flits from one thing to another rapidly. This is how they need to learn at this stage and is totally appropriate. This means your job is basically just to keep up with them and follow their lead!
1-2 years old: your child should be able to focus on one thing for a short time, if it is of their choosing (rigid attention). They still aren't ready to hold sustained attention at a task of someone else's choosing. This can make then appear stubborn and wilful at times! It's up to you to still follow their lead and possibly begin encouraging them to finish little tasks they have begun.
2-3 years old: attention is still single-channelled at this age, and means they can only focus on one thing at a time. They will need help to switch their attention from one thing to another. So if you are right beside your child saying their name and they seem totally absorbed in their game - don't worry, this is pretty normal at this age! You may need to say their name, get into their eyeline and tap them on the shoulder before they notice you. They will probably need help returning to the original activity afterwards too, so think about when you interrupt their play as well as how.
3-4 years old: attention continues to be single channelled (one activity at a time) but your child should have more control over being able to switch between tasks -so they may still need some support and prompting to switch between activities but not so much.
4-5 years old: you should see dual-channelled attention skills emerging, with your child being able to listen to you at the same time as doing a task. This is an emerging skills and will still need supported.
5+ years old: attention skills should have matured sufficiently by this age for your child to usually be able to focus themselves on a task, sustain attention and switch their attention relatively easily between tasks (controlled and sustained integrated attention).

As a general 'rule of thumb', the ability to sustain attention is broadly one minute for each year of your child's life, plus two (up to a maximum of twenty minutes). So a typical 7 year old should be able to sustain attention for 7+2=9 minutes.

So now that you know all of that, what can you do to support your child's developing attention skills?

Most importantly, set your expectations appropriately. Don't expect your three and four year old to hear you call their name when they are very absorbed in play, and don't expect your 8 year old to sit for much longer than 10 minutes at a task. Sometimes children show very good sustained attention if they are really enjoying something but you shouldn't expect them to be able to do that with every activity. By accepting what your child is able to achieve, you will both spend less time being frustrated.
Set your child up for success. Children's attention skills are immature and they need a lot of help to develop them into maturity. So reduce as many distractions as you can. Put your phone on silent when you are playing with them and turn the TV off in the room they are playing in (unless you are both choosing to watch TV as your activity!). Often we find ourselves trying to do ten housework chores while playing with our child, but we also need to spend time modelling sustained attention. So if you can, find a little time during the day - even if it is only ten minutes, where you give your child your undivided attention. For some children, limiting their choice of toys can also help them to attend better, so if you can put some of their toys out of sight (even cover them up with a sheet) and leave out two or three at a time you might find they play for longer.
Think about when and how you interrupt your child's play. Have you ever been trying to remember four or five different things and then someone comes along and says something to you and you completely forget everything you were trying to remember? This is what it can be like for young children, who are investing an enormous amount of their mental processes in their play. If you need to get their attention, walk over to them, touch them on the shoulder and say their name clearly - wait until they turn around before you begin to speak to them. The chances are if they haven't turned around, they still haven't realised you are wanting their attention. If you see they are right in the middle of very absorbing play and you can wait for them to be finished, then do that. Because once you have asked them to shift their focus of attention from the task to you, it can be very difficult for them to get back into the task again. You may well need to guide them back into the task.
Comment on and praise your child for paying good attention or for switching attention appropriately - 'you are concentrating so hard on that picture!' 'thanks so much for listening even though you were having so much fun playing'.
Play fun games with your child that allow them to practice attention skills within their level. This will also give you an opportunity to model attention skills for them.
- for 0-1 year olds: follow their gaze, interact with what they are interested in with them. Describe what you are doing and make it as fun as possible. So if your child looks across the room at a rattle, bring it to them, help them to explore the toy (by touching, shaking, probably tasting!) and describe the noise 'Shake shake shake!! Yay! We are shaking the rattle. Let's sing a song too.'
- for 1-2 year olds: again follow their lead in play, and help them to sustain their attention to finish little tasks - whether it be building their brick tower, finishing their inset puzzle or even putting their toys back in the box before moving on to the next activity. You might find yourself saying 'let's do one more' and 'first, then...' an awful lot ('first we tidy the blocks then we play with the ball').
- for 2-3 year olds: you can start playing stop/go games and songs. For example, 'sleeping bunnies' and 'flippy floppy scarecrow', and playing 'freeze' games like 'musical statues'.
- for 3-4 year olds, start sitting at a table with them for table top activities. Play hide and seek or hide a toy around the house and help them count and then hunt. Play scavenger games outside (find me a flower, a feather and a stone).
- for 4 year olds and up, start encouraging short turn taking games (like snap), and play listening games (guess the instrument). Help them to complete activities - for example building a little lego model, finishing a simple puzzle or painting a picture. Encourage them to help tidy up. Praise them for finishing. Keep activities as fun as possible (even homeworks!) and intersperse active activities with calmer activities. Children need frequent movement breaks to keep themselves calm and alert.

You might be concerned about your child's attention skills - perhaps they can't sit for as long as you want at an activity, or alternatively they seem to want to spend all of their waking moments doing one thing. Some children seem to be distracted by the littlest things, and some children can become so absorbed that they seem completely lost in their own world. There can be different reasons why children's attention skills aren't developing age-appropriately. It may be something as simple as needing their hearing checked out, or they may just be a little delayed in this area. They may not have had the same opportunities to practice their skills as other children. They may be tired, or stressed. It may also be an indicator of a more complex underlying difficulty.

If you have any great games or suggestions you would like to share that help develop attention, please comment or get in touch. Many of the programmes I have developed focus on attention and listening skills - for example, see CONNECT (featured programme), Music Time and Listen Up. You are also very welcome to contact me for advice or suggestions.

Pay Attention!

Jo Hewitt