Getting Out and Stressed Out

It happened, our kids went back to school!

How has it been for you? I imagine, like me, you are feeling a mixture of relief and anxiety. Getting back into a school routine means our kids are (hopefully) learning and we can (kind of) get back to work. But we also don’t know how safe it is, or how our kids will do after being out of school so long - and we feel like things could change at any minute.

It’s no different for our young people and children. They are also experiencing complicated and conflicting feelings. Except because they aren’t adults, it’s harder for them to process and understand. They aren’t equipped with the emotional skills to sort through, name and verbalise their feelings effectively, and instead these get all jumbled inside. The result? Strange outbursts, tearfulness, unexpected (to them unexplainable) fears about leaving the house or going to school, worrying over small things, erratic or acting out behaviour.

As parents and educators, we have a big job on our hands to deal with all of these behaviours with empathy. Remember that our children are taking a massive step out into the unknown. The ‘new’ way of school is unfamiliar, and we - genuinely - have no idea what the outcome of meeting in large crowds is. They don’t know if their lives are at risk, or if they are endangering loved ones.

What does empathy sound like in these situations? It might be…

‘It sounds to me like you are feeling (really angry right now/ a bit worried about something).’

‘This is feeling new and different. I’m here for you.’

‘I see that this feels hard for you right now.’'

If your young person knows you are there for them, and that you understand, that will really help. You might feel like it isn’t changing anything, or that you are totally helpless to make anything better. But often, taking an empathetic stance is enough.

It’s understandable right now that we will see an increase in anxious behaviour and acting out behaviour. Expect a little of this, and expect it to last for a little while. Keep an eye on things and If they don’t settle down for you in a few weeks, talk to your child’s teacher/parent. There are lots of things we can do to support our children and young people together.

If you become very worried about your child or young person, there are other people you can approach. The NSPCC has a helpline for parents (0808 800 5000) as well as children (0800 1111) and there is an online chat service available. MIND also have a chat line and help line (mind.org.uk).

And of course, I’m here too!

Physical Distancing or Social Distancing?

‘Stay alert and stay safe’: maintain a social distance. Or should we?

This message has bothered me a lot in the past couple of months, and only yesterday was I able to put into words why.

Because of this: humans need to be connected to other humans.

That’s what we have learned from research. Being connected to other humans helps our brains and bodies to regulate. It helps us to feel safe. This is the core of the work I do and this is what I see evidenced over and over again.

But right now we are being told that we need to be socially distant in order to stay safe. This is a paradoxical situation, says Stephen Porges (author of the Polyvagal Theory - see his website for more info).

Our bodies feel under threat right now, and we are being told we need to isolate to stay safe. Yet our bodies have learned that feelings of safety typically come from connecting with others.

Being socially distant from others means we are unable to connect with another person to co-regulate. Instead, our bodies carry unresolved feelings of constant threat, and are therefore unable to shift into a healthier physiological state. Our bodies stay primed for flight or fight. This can result in problems such as feelings of anxiety, irritability, difficulty following instructions, concentration, being easily distracted, self-medicating, and becoming oppositional.

So how can we resolve this?

1. Changing one word: being physically distanced, not socially distanced

   In a recent webinar, Stephen Porges talked about the language that is being used to advise us all on staying safe. What is the difference between telling someone they need to be physically distant, versus telling them they need to be socially distant?

   Put simply, you can be physically distant but still seek and maintain social connection.

   Our children (and us) need to remember that it is not just OK to socially connected - it is important.

   Physical distance will keep our bodies safer from Coronavirus, social connection will protect our mental and emotional well-being.

2. Develop strategies to connect at a distance

   We pick up so many non-verbal and verbal cues when we are looking at someone else’s body and face. This is how we attune to another person, and when we are attuned our bodies feel safe. We turn off our defences and our bodies are able to maintain a physiological state that supports health, growth and restoration.

   But in this current time, many of these social cues have been taken away from us.

   Masks hide our facial expressions and muffle our tone of voice; video calls focus only on the face and not what the rest of the body is doing.

   Synchronicity and reciprocity is more difficult to sustain on video links and we find ourselves stumbling over one another and feeling unsure about how the other person is feeling and what they are thinking during our conversation. If we are mindful of the cues that are missing in our interactions, we can compensate for them. This might involve being more expressive with our faces and bodies, or by explicitly saying what we are thinking and feeling rather than relying on non-verbal cues to convey the message.

What is my facial expression here? How am I feeling? The challenges of effective communication in a pandemic.

3. Develop awareness of the body’s response to the feeling of being unsafe.

When I meet a child for the first time I work hard at helping that child to connect with me, to feel safe. I do this through my tone of voice, facial expression, body position and physical proximity amongst other things. But if I am working with a child virtually, or am working with a mask on, that is so much more difficult.

Polyvagal theory explains that when a person’s body feels under threat (feels unsafe) there are many physiological effects. A person might appear hypervigilant, distractible, irritable or anxious. They might be impulsive, have difficulty listening and have difficulty following verbal commands. I need to be mindful that if a child is presenting with these kinds of behaviours, it may be an expression of their feeling of being unsafe.

In response, we need to work at increasing the feeling of safety. One way to do this is through predictability. Explain to a child what they are going to encounter: ‘When we go to the doctors, she will be wearing a mask on her face and gloves on her hands. She is using this to help keep us all safe.’ Our bodies love feeling prepared.

We can also work at helping our children ‘read’ social cues. This can be done in real life interactions with others, but just as easily can be practiced when reading books and watching TV. Ask your child how someone is feeling or what they might be thinking. How do you know this? What are the little non-verbal cues we were picking up on to learn that?

4. Easing of restrictions may feel like a time of celebration for many, but remember that our bodies may perceive this as a heightened threat.

We can go to the beach? Visit our grandparents again? Wonderful! Except, our brains and bodies may not think this is wonderful.

Our brains and bodies may instead be feeling more under threat (after all, we have been told to stay away from other people for months now). Right when you expect your child to be happy, excited and more cooperative you instead might find them acting out and becoming socially withdrawn. So talk to your children about what is happening. Use books, engage in pretend play about it (let your child role play with masks). Edpsy.org.uk have compiled a great bunch of resources for children of all ages and abilities ( as well as advice for parents). Lead by example and show your children how to be safe when they are out and about. Convey feelings of confidence and safety to them when you are out. Remember to choose words carefully when you are speaking to others about the situation and consider their exposure to the news. Rather than giving them a list of what they can’t do, summarise what they can do (talk to others, play and have fun at an arm’s length away, sneeze into your elbow, step back if someone is getting very close etc).

5. Engage in activities that calm the body

Activities that calm the body also calm the mind. They help our bodies to regulate. So get into a routine of practicing something like yoga or mindfulness. Dance in the kitchen to your favourite song. Listen to music that brings you joy and sing along.

Make lots of time for play. Hug the people in your bubble.

Meet at a physical distance with others. Get your brain and body into a predictable routine.

Mask or no mask, I’m looking forward to seeing you all again!

This post is based on the webinar by Stephen Porges at the Virtual Trauma Summit, (June 2020).

Helping Brains Grow

As parents and educationalists, one of the many many things we think about is ‘are we helping our children achieve their best?’

Another way we can phrase this is ‘Are we helping our children’s brains grow?’

This was one of many topics raised by Dan Siegel (who is, amongst many other things, a neuroscientist) at a recent training event I attended.

We talked about many things during the training, and I’ll probably end up writing a few blogs based on it, but this was one thing I thought all parents and all educators out there might find helpful to reflect on as we ease (or run full pelt towards if you’re a teacher!) into the summer holidays.

Dan Siegel gave us a checklist for supporting ‘neuroplasticity’, which in a very basic sense is about how ‘plastic’ our brain is - how well our neural pathways can change, grow and organise themselves in our brain. The ‘plasticity’ of our brains typically change with age, being at its peak in our early years and undergoing massive pruning and organising during our adolescent years.

In layman’s terms, thinking about this stuff will not only help us grow our brains, but help keep them young.

So the following checklist is not just for you to think about in relation to your child, but is also important to think about in relation to YOU! So what can you do to look after your brain…?

1. Relationships

Research is highlighting more and more how important relationships are with other people. It turns out being connected to other people - especially face to face - makes a big difference to our brain. Anyone who remembers the children sitting alone and neglected in the Romanian Orphanages back in the 80’s and 90’s will have seen visible signs of brain damage, much as a result of a lack meaningful human contact. Just look at the image below to see the impact neglect can have on brain growth.

image available from pinterest.com

And while this is obviously a very extreme example, there is strong evidence to tell us that having sensitive and attuned caregivers are essential for healthy brain growth.

Talking to your children, listening to your children, playing with your children - these little things are all big in your child’s life.

And, just as for your child, you also need to work to surround yourself with others who can support you. This might be just one or two close friends or family - but it’s the quality that matters. If those people help you to feel heard and supported, and you feel you are able to do the same back, then you are on to something good! Research tells us that not only do we need others, but we also need to feel needed. Getting this balance right can pay dividends.

2. Sleep

Ah, sleep. Ever get up after a terrible night’s sleep and feel like you are thinking through porridge? Studies over the years continue to tell us what depriving ourselves of a good night’s sleep can do to our brains. It can affect many things, including attention, memory and decision making. Why? Sleep is the time when our brains sort through and organise our neural pathways based on the day’s events. It also does a massive clean up of toxins that naturally build up through your waking hours.

Poor sleep = toxic brains!

AND it turns out that the brain needs energy to do this, so getting good sleep means you even burn through a few hundred calories!

The solution is simple both for us and our children - a good sleeping routine. Getting your brain in the habit of going to sleep at certain times and under certain conditions, and waking up at regular times in the morning. While everyone needs different amounts of sleep (depending on lots of things such as age, level of activity during the day etc) you need to try and make sure that more often than not, you and your children are ‘getting enough’. While you might be able to ‘catch up’ on a few hours of lost sleep, we now know that you are not able to catch up on prolonged or chronic sleep loss. This isn’t really good news for any of us with children who are poor sleepers, but all we can do is try our best. If things are really bad, consult your GP and find out about sleep hygiene (see here to get you started).

3. Nutrition

The science says that basically our brains need the right amount and kind of fuel to function. We can help our children - and ourselves - make the most of our brain power through good nutrition (just like a Formula 1 Team make sure the race car gets the best quality fuel).

4. Aerobic exercise

Exercise is not just good for our bodies, it’s good for our brains. Regular exercise for you and your children can both improve brain function, reduce the risk of brain disease, lower effects of brain aging and help with maintenance and regeneration of nerve cells - see picture below. Who doesn’t want that?

image from www.ahealthblog.com

5. Humour

One of my favourite recent jokes:

Why can’t you trust atoms? Because they make up everything.

or try this on for size…

What is a sleeping brain’s favourite music band? REM.

Sorry.

Seriously though, we know that feeling happy and safe maximises learning.

It turns out that laughter = learning too.

So don’t under-estimate the power of having fun. If your child - and you - are having fun, then your brains are also loving it.

6. Novelty

We are often drawn to novel experiences. We see someone with a different hair colour, we hear a new piece of music, we are told a new riddle we haven’t heard before. Our brains appreciate novel situations too and research seems to say that it can improve neuroplasticity, improve memory and enhance learning (see here for more info). So go on, try something new!

7. Close paying of attention

In particular, we are talking about paying close attention in a mindful way. If you haven’t heard of mindfulness yet, check out my blog from January 2011. Paying close attention to the ‘now’ in your body is good for your brain. Check out this link for some information on how mindfulness techniques can support your brain, or this one if you want to think about mindfulness and trauma.

So if you are thinking about what to do with your kids over the school holidays, look at the checklist above. Consider if there are any areas you want to improve on and make this a goal.

Your brain will thank you!

Turn that frown upside down: emotional regulation for children.

Flipping their lid, having a melt down, losing their bap...whatever you call it, it is never nice to see a child or young person fall apart in front of you. I have seen children so upset that they are screaming, shouting, kicking, thumping, throwing, breaking, biting, swearing, urinating, defacating...

And the thing is, not only is it a horrible experience for the child, it is awful to witness. You yourself can feel embarrassed, hopeless, ashamed and angry.

When we think about this feeling of being so angry or distressed that we ‘lose control’ we are in fact talking about emotional regulation. Emotional regulation is simply being able to express your emotions effectively and appropriately, and the ability to bring yourself to calm.

Emotional regulation is something we all need to learn.

Children are not born with the ability to regulate. They are born with their brains only partially grown and in particular the areas of the brain responsible for emotional regulation and social interaction are those that have some of the most growing to do. A brain has done most of its growing by the age of three, which is why the early years are so important, but a brain is not fully matured until a person is in their early twenties. So this means that parents and professionals need to continue to support the emotional growth of a child or young person throughout their lives.

So while we might expect the odd temper tantrum for a two year old we are more concerned about the same behaviour from an eight year old.

What should I do to support the development of my child’s emotional regulation skills?

Here are a few strategies to get you going.

1. Help your child learn about the emotions they are feeling.

   As adults, most of us can usually name how we are feeling. We feel what is gong on in our bodies, we know why we might be experiencing this, and we have words to describe it all. 

   Children are still developing these skills. Two year olds can experience negative emotions but not have the ability to tell you with words. Seven year olds might be learning to differentiate between emotions such as anger, shame and fear.

   We can help by noticing what our child is feeling, and telling them what this is (and why, if you can). With little ones, we do this through expressing them same emotion back to them. If they cry, we reflect back a concerned face, say ‘aw’ and offer them comfort. If they are smiling or laughing, we respond with a wide smile, clap and a ‘yay’. As they get older, we can tell them with words - ‘I see you are feeling excited about this’, ‘oh dear you look sad about that’. This helps children to interpret the feelings they have inside their bodies and give a name to them. Eventually, they will start naming their emotions for themselves. And this is just as important for all the happy feelings as well as the uncomfortable ones.

2. Behave in front of them like you want them to behave in front of you.

Children learn from observation and in their interactions with you. In fact, in the early years, what they learn becomes a template for the rest of their lives. So we can take advantage of this by thinking about what we model in front of our children. If we usually scream and shout when we feel cross, then that’s what our children will learn. But if instead we name the feeling and deal with it, then this will become our child’s ‘normal’. 

By doing this, we are helping our children understand that it is ok for them to feel the feelings, but not ok to express them in certain ways. I have learned to say things like ‘I feel a bit cross right now because I have dropped my plate and made a big mess. I’m going to take a couple of big breaths to calm down a bit then I’ll tidy it up and try again.’ I vary my tone and expression to match the feeling because this is all information that will help the children I work with learn about their own feelings and how to express them.

Note: Don’t feel guilty though in those times when you do ‘lose it’! There are always times when get things get too much for us, and that’s just fine as long as it isn’t our ‘normal’.

3. Incorporate feelings into everyday stuff

Help your child to tune in more to the emotions being expressed around them. If they are watching something on TV, or reading a book, reference an emotion in it. For example, ‘oh dear, Peppa seems a bit cross. I wonder what happened.’ Or. ‘I wonder how it made Harry feel when he found out what Ron said’. This will cultivate empathy and understanding.

Be creative - inject some emotions conversations into activities you do. With little ones you can role play these in their make believe games. When you are drawing and colouring, use colour to express emotions (eg. ‘I’m going to make him blue in his tummy because he is feeling sad’).

What should I do when my child or young person has a meltdown?

1. Keep them, and everyone else safe.

   If they might hurt themselves on a nearby chair or object, move it away. If they are likely to be physically aggressive, then give them space to reduce the possibility of them harming you or anyone else.

2. Remember what they are trying to tell you by their behaviour.

   It’s hard, because of how you are feeling when this happens, but try and remember that the feeling they are having is valid, even though you don’t like how they are expressing it. They are using behaviour to express their emotion. So think about what it is they are feeling and name it. ‘You are feeling so disappointed right now.’

3. Wait.

   When we are feeling highly emotional, it is difficult to listen effectively to what others are saying. If you have ever received bad news then you might have experienced this. Someone tells you something very sad and it is almost like your thoughts ‘freeze’. Only afterwards do you realise you took in almost none of the details.

   Your child or young person will be the same, and there is often little point in trying to reason, explain or say much else when their emotions have peaked. Instead you can repeat with empathy ‘I can see you are really hurting right now. I’m here to help’. Offer them physical comfort, or a little space - whatever you know is right for them in that moment.

   When their breathing is starting to calm and they look like they are beginning to settle, be a comfort for them. At this point often feelings of anger have turned to sadness and embarrassment and this is the time to just be there for them.

   Once it’s all settled a bit, talk about it. It might seem strange to wait so long before addressing that the behaviour was not appropriate, but research tells us that it can take up to 40 minutes for a person to come back to a calm state after being highly emotional, and that any attempts during this settling time to confront the problem can result in the person returning to the emotional state they were in. 

   Tell them what you saw and talk about why they might have felt like that. Validate the emotion and talk about a different way to deal with it; for example trying to tell you using words, or taking big deep breaths. If you practice mindfulness activities (see previous blog!) then you are equipping your child with lots of tools they can use when they are feeling very emotional to help them express themselves and regulate.

   You may also need to respond with consequences. For example, if they made a mess they will need to tidy it up, or they may need to apologise to someone they hurt. Remember that this will be very hard for the child or young person to do alone, so help them with it.

Extra notes for your teenager

Your teenager’s brain is a wonder to behold, and during this time it is going through a massive restructure. This has a big impact in particular on their ability to interpret others’ emotions and regulate their own. If you want to find out more check out ‘Blame my brain’ by Nicola Morgan, Readable both for parents and teenagers.

Further reading

‘The Great Big Book of Feelings’ (Mary Hoffman and Ros Asquith) - a great book for parents/professionals and children to use together to talk and learn about feelings

‘How are feeling today?’ (Molly Potter) - a book for parents/professionals and children/young people to use together to learn about feelings

‘The Huge bag of worries’ (Virginia Ironside) - fiction book for young children to talk about feeling worried/anxious

‘Anger Management Games for Children’ (Deborah M. Plummer) - handbook for professionals working with children/young teens

‘Why Love Matters’ (Sue Gerhardt) - a slightly heavy but really important read for parents/professionals on the important of relationships in shaping brains

‘Brainstorm’ (Daniel J. Siegel) - find out all about the mysteries of the adolescent brain!

Supporting Reluctant Readers

‘It’s boring.’

’It’s too hard.’

’What’s the point?’

If you have a reluctant reader in the household, chances are you’ve heard them say at least one of the above when you’ve encouraged them to pick up a book. But does it really matter if your child doesn’t read?

The research shows us that reading for pleasure is important in the development of our children. Why?

• It broadens their vocabulary (which in turn strengthens their speech and language skills)

• it improves their general knowlege (not only do they learn from books, but the world around them is more accessible- think signs, internet sites, instructions… once a child can read they can begin to educate themselves and pursue their own interests)

• it helps them learn and understand more about different cultures (which in turn can lead to increased interest in the world around them and increased tolerance and respect for others)

• it develops their imagination (which in turn fuels creativity and promotes flexible thinking)

• it can actually develop self confidence (not only do they have confidence in their reading skills and the heightened independence this gives them, it also widens their world out to learn about others who might be going through similar experiences to them and can reduce feelings of isolation)

• and of course, if a child is reading, they are more confident in how they approach learning tasks in school.

But what can you do? If you are a reluctant reader yourself, it can be especially intimidating trying to help your child read. The good news there are some straightforward things you can do to turn your child’s reluctance around.

The best starting point is to listen to how your child feels about reading. This will help you figure out what you can do to help them. Here are some tips to get you started.

’I’m bored’

Sometimes ‘I’m bored’ is another way for a child to say ‘It’s too hard’ but let’s assume that they mean, in this instance, it is just a bit boring for them, what can you do to make it more interesting?

1. Ensure there is a diverse range of reading materials available in the house- magazines, comics - it all counts. If you can, give child a book budget each month so they can pick their own reading material (for younger children, make an event of having a ‘book day’ each month where you go together to buy a new book or get new books from the library - let your child pick some of their own!)

2. Show you are interested in reading (if you aren’t, fake it ‘til you make it) by reading around your child. Pick up a book, newspaper, magazine - again, it all counts. And then chat about what you are reading with your children about something you found interesting.

3. Read with your child. If your child is quite active, sociable or outgoing, then the idea of sitting by themselves in a room can seem quite strange. So make it more sociable and engaging. For example, why not cycle to the park with a few snacks and a book to read together when you get there? Crack open the juice and have a nosey through a book together.

Extra tip: you can take advantage of ‘dead time’ for example, riding in the car, (or sitting on the loo!) by adding a few books. Make a habit of travelling with a few books of interest in the car and if you want, pop a couple in the bathroom too. In our house, toilet training was enhanced by a stack of books by the throne, and our three year old still has the odd extended sit there while he pores over a few books. We always take one with us to the doctor’s surgery, dentist - basically if you have a bit of a boring wait coming up a book can help to pass the time.

’It’s too hard’

For some children, reading does not come easily. This might cause you to think about whether there is an underlying learning difficulty and if you have concerns then definitely organise a meeting with your child’s teacher to explore this further.

1. In this age of technology there are lots of things you can do to make reading more accessible. For example, listening to audiobooks (with and without the text are both good. Long car journeys are a great time for this). This helps a child read books that his or her peers are reading and so won’t miss out on the story, vocabulary and discussions that are going on.

2. Teach your child how to choose an ability-appropriate book through the 5 finger test. Open the book in the middle. Read down one page, and raise a finger for each word on the page you can’t read by yourself.

   o  No finger/one finger: this book is easy for you. Have fun!

   o  Two fingers: you can read this book mostly by yourself. Enjoy!

   o  Three fingers: this book is challenging for you, but you might still enjoy it. Try it!

   o  Four fingers: This book will be very challenging. Read with a partner or someone nearby who can help you.

   o  Five fingers: This book might be too difficult right now. Save it for later or read with someone who can help you.

   There are also stockists of books that are age-appropriate content-wise but a bit easier to read. This is really helpful as often when children who find reading difficult pick up books they are able to read, the content is for younger children and therefore has little interest for them.

3. Take the pressure off. Don’t enforce reading time beyond what your child is being asked to do for school. The more your child feels under pressure, or feels like they are failing you, the more negative associations they will have with reading. If your child is becoming tearful, angry, withdrawn, or their behaviour is more challenging, then these are strong signs that this is a big issue for them. Rather than being pushy, take the heat off, listen to how they are feeling and empathise. And speak to their teacher to come up with a plan. Every school has a Special Educational Needs Co-Ordinator who has lots of training and experience to support children with a range of difficulties, including reading. You can request a meeting with them for advice and support.

’It’s pointless’

1. School reading series can, for some children, feel pointless. They mightn’t connect with Biff, Chip and Kipper. They may not see the point in reading fiction books. If this is describing your child, then it is really important to follow their lead. Find out what they are interested in and what they could be reading to develop this interest further. For example, if they are into football, encourage them to browse the magazines and pick a sports one. Read a biography with them of one of their favourite footballers. Or go online with them to find out facts about their favourite tournament or team.

2. Give your child some responsibilities that will involve them reading. For example, getting a travel book or going online to help plan a holiday. Or giving them a written shopping list for the shop. It can be exciting for a child, old and young, to plan a local day trip. Encourage them to research bus times, costs, menus etc to plan a day out for the whole family.

3. When your child asks you a question and you aren’t sure of the answer, use this as an opportunity to be detectives together. Work together to look at books or browse sites that can help you answer their question. They learn so much more from this than by you popping on the phone by yourself to find out what you need to know.

And finally, remember that it’s never too early to develop an interest in books. Have lots of books in your house. Read books in front of and with your child. Show interest in the books they show interest in- even if it’s just a bath book. Reading with your child and making space in each day for reading together will set a strong foundation.

And it’s never too late to discovering pleasure in reading, so don’t give up on your teenager - or yourself for that matter!

Resources/further reading that I found helpful:

• http://www.eastsussex.gov.uk/NR/rdonlyres/54B2A47C-2E7D-4786-AC3D-2E0A4C3FBFB9/0/Howtohelpyourchild.pdf

• ‘100+ Ideas for Supporting Children with Dyslexia’ (by Gavin Reid and Shannon Green)

• ‘7 Keys to Comprehension’ (by Susan Zimmerman and Chryse Hutchins)

If you have any specific questions or concerns about your child’s reading feel welcome to get in contact and talk it through with me.

Keep calm and carry on: mindfulness for children

What is mindfulness?

Mindfulness put simply, could be described as the process of noticing things, both about yourself, and the world around you. Sounds pretty easy, right?

But most of us have experienced, at some point in our lives, difficulty doing this. Worrying thoughts creep into our head and keep us awake at night. Or, driving home from work, we suddenly find ourselves at our front door with little recollection of how we got there because our minds with crammed with our To Do list for the evening ahead.

Being mindful can be difficult. Our brains are busy, trying to keep up with our busy lives. Our heads are stuffed with things to do, things to worry about, things to feel stressed over. As a result, we lose a sense of ourselves. We lose out on opportunities to experience what is happening in the present.

Our children, young and older, are just the same. They have busy brains moving at 100 miles an hour and their hectic schedules can mean they experience few moments of calm and peacefulness.

The good news is we can train ourselves, and teach our children, to be more mindful.

Why is mindfulness important?

• Mindfulness can actually change the brain, and increase the density of gray matter (this includes regions in the brain involved in lots of things such as muscle control, sensory perception, decision making, memory, self control…the list goes on!)

• mindfulness is shown to affect the anterior cingulate cortex, responsible for self regulation - this includes the ability to direct attention, control impulsivity and mental flexibility

• studies are finding that mindfulness can affect the hippcocampus, which plays a big role in our emotional skills, memory and resilience

• studies are showing that mindful people can be more creative

• some studies show that mindful people are actually considered more charismatic!

• studies are showing that mindfulness can improve performance in lots of professions - such as athletes, musicians, and mechanics

Specifically for children, mindfulness has been found to:

• enhance focus and attention skills

• improve mental health and well being

• mitigate the effects of bullying

• improve stress regulation

• improve social skills.

Mindfulness activities

For younger children

1. Spidey Senses

   In the house, in the park, or at the shop - anywhere at all! Get your child to hold up three fingers and turn on their Spidey Senses. Can they see three things that are green? Put down a finger. Can they hear two different sounds? What is the quietest sound they can hear? Put down a finger. Can they feel one thing touching their body (maybe the hard chair they are sitting on on their bottom, or the soft grass under their feet)?

2. Whirly squirly bottle

   Fill up a plastic bottle with water (and some glycerin if you want to be fancy!) and help your little on add a good couple of spoons of glitter. Make sure the cap goes on good and tight. Encourage the child to shake the bottle so the glitter swirls. Help the child think that this is like when they have lots of busy thoughts or worries - it makes it hard to think clearly. Now ask the child to set the bottle down and watch the glitter settle. Remind the child that when they are still and quiet for a little minute it can help their thoughts be more clear, just like the bottle.

3. Sensory I Spy

   Take turns with your child to play I Spy, but instead of looking for things beginning with a certain letter, look for things that are a certain colour, smell, sound, feel…you get the idea!

With older children

1. Body Scan

   A body scan is one of the most common exercises used to practise mindfulness. Getting comfortable and preferably lying down, have your child close their eyes (or dim the lights). Starting with their toes, slowly start tensing up their muscles as much as possible - toes, feet, ankles, legs, tummy, fists…al the up to their faces. At the end of this their whole body should be scrunched up. Get them to think about how this all feels and to hold this position for a moment. Then, starting with the face and working their way back down to their toes, they should gradually relax all their muscles until they are floppy and heavy on the floor. Get them to think about how this feels.

2. Square breathing

   This can be a great activity for a young person who is anxious in a situation to do discreetly - for example before a test in their class. Using an index finger, get them to trace a square slowly, either on a surface or on part of their body (their other hand or leg, for example). As they trace a horizontal line, they should breathe in through their nose for a long slow count of 4, and as they trace the vertical lines they should breathe out through their lips for another long count of 4. They can do this over and over again, and if they want an check at the end of each square how their breathing and heart beat feels.

3. Count to ten

   This is another very discreet activity that a child or young person can use anywhere any time. Starting at 1, they need to try and slowly count up to 10, without any thoughts intruding. I like to make this a game, as I find it very hard. I don’t think I’ve got past 3 myself!

There are loads of ideas online to help you get started on being more mindful yourself, as well as for your children. The ideas above have all come from a bit of research in books and online. Two nice resources I have recently come across are:

• Mindfulness by Harvard Business Review (a nice simple introduction for adults)

• https://positivepsychologyprogram.com/mindfulness-for-children-kids-activities/ (this is a fab website, and in particular there are links to some videos and apps to support guided meditation, for example to be used before bed time)

This is a cute little video of children talking about what mindfulness is for them:

• https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8jCKOA7lB-w&feature=youtu.be

And finally, this is a cd I’m trying out at home with my three year old:

• meditation and relaxation for kids by Dr Elizabeth Scott

Practising mindfulness can feel a bit strange at first. But stick at it. Have fun trying some activities out!

This one’s for you, dad

Happy Father’s Day to all you daddies out there, but especially to the dads in my life. Each one of them are amazing men and outstanding fathers.

Psychology tells us that having present, engaged fathers in children’s lives are important. Growing up, I learned this for myself. I want to share with you three things my dad taught me, things that every dad can teach their children.

1- I matter.
Growing up, my dad always had time to listen to me. He worked hard to make the time we had together special. He hugged me, gave me kisses and made me giggle. He wiped tears away and picked me up after falls. As I got older, he stuck with me through the teenage mood swings and dramas (I’m not sure how- well done dad!). He took them seriously, gave me a chance to figure things out and offered quiet advice. When I disowned my parents as most teenagers attempt to do, he gave me a bit of space and let me have a go at independence. Now, as an adult we spend lots of time talking together. He’s one of my best friends.

This taught me that someone cares for me. It taught me I am lovable, and have value. It taught me that I am important. So when I got older, I held these beliefs about myself. It gave me  confidence to believe that others would think the same about me, helped me to trust and love others. And if I ever lost confidence in myself, spending time with my dad was often enough to centre me again.

Dads, the time you spend with your children really matters. How you interact with them teaches them about themselves. It can teach them that they count, they matter. It will help them to become self-confident people who can trust and love others.

All you need to do is show your children that you love them. Be affectionate. Make your time together precious. Tell them how much you care. If you tell your child they are important, they will learn to believe this about themselves. 

2- Healthy relationships

From being a very little person, I watched my dad loving my mum. I observed how they spoke to one another, how they figured out problems, how they supported each other when times were tougher.

The whole time, I was learning about what a healthy relationship should look like. I learned that men should be attentive, gentle, helpful. I learned that fathers should contribute, listen and at all times keep their family their priority.

So when I started making friends (and having boyfriends), I already had a blueprint for what those relationships should look like. I tried to treat others with respect and compassion and expected the same from others. This helped me to form and establish healthy relationships with the people around me. It also helped me identify the people who didn’t have my best interests at heart, and gave me an idea of what I could do to help others who had been hurt in their relationships with other people.

Dads- how you interact with your partners matters. Not only are you showing important love and respect to your significant others, you are also showing your children what relationships should look like. We often hear the phrase ‘history repeating itself’ and there is some truth in that- children’s relationships with others throughout their child and adult lives can often mirror that of their parents’.

3- I can achieve

My dad has always had a sense of adventure that was utterly infectious. When I was little, he spun me round and round until I fell over. He helped me walk on walls and run through the trees. As I got older he made me go-karts, souped up my bicycles and cheered me on as I attempted to roller boot down the steepest hill I could find.

Dad did this gently. He joined in, he modeled it, he encouraged me. He helped me to sort it out when it went wrong and he invited me to keep trying. He never forced me to do something that was too far out my comfort zone and never scoffed at me for failing - or being afraid. 

I became confident to give things a go- to push myself. The belief that ‘I can’ meant that I jumped in with both feet into my studies. I coped with making mistakes. I could handle the risk of failure and became resilient about failing. As an adult, this translates into having some sense of ambition, seizing opportunities, and having strategies to cope when things don’t go as planned. 

And equally as important, I know my dad is always there. He is one of my safe bases, my securities. I know that no matter what, I can return to him and feel safe. This is such a crucial aspect of resilience, confidence, and jumping into opportunities.

So all you fathers out there, be a safe place for your children to return to. Let them know that you will always be there for them- to listen, hug, help - no judgments, unconditionally. Encourage your children to be brave. Do brave things with them! Celebrate with them when things go well and help them figure out what to do when they don’t.

Thanks dad. This one’s for you.

PS I also learned a lot about terrible jokes. YouTube video just for you.

Mental Health: Lessons from a 1 year old.

Every one of us wants to grow happy, healthy children. We hope for them to have confidence and strong self-esteem. We want them to be able to cope with adversity, problem solve, and bounce back when things go wrong. 

In a nutshell, we want our children to experience good mental health.

If we think of our mental health like our physical health, then we get to thinking that we can make our minds and emotional well-being stronger. Just like keeping our bodies healthy, we need to get involved in the right kind of regular 'exercise' that will keep our minds strong and flexible.

So what can we do with our children to help promote their mental health? Well, sometimes the best teachers are our pupils, and my one and a half year old has set a wonderful example of the kinds of things we can do with our children. Here are just a few.

1. Helping

One of the things that promotes good mental health is the feeling of being needed. As adults, we can experience this in our jobs, or in our roles as parents or even as pet owners. This feeling helps us to feel valued and connected to others.

We can encourage our little ones  - even the very little ones - to get involved in 'jobs' with us. This might be putting shopping items into our trolley, sweeping the floor, helping to feed the fish or tidy away their toys. Completing these tasks will bring a real sense of achievement, help them to feel noticed and valued by you and help them feel connected.

2. Celebrate with them.

When children get stuck into something they really enjoy - and maybe learn a new skill along the way - they are quick to celebrate the fun they have had. Often with a 'yay!' and a hand clap they give themselves a pat on the back for having done so well - and often turn around to see if you, one of their favourite adults, is watching. 

As adults, we can notice the times our children are doing something well and help them notice it for themselves. We can cheer them on and get excited for them - whether it is having a go at climbing up the stairs independently for the first time, working hard at finishing a puzzle, or making their first painting. This will help your children to view themselves as someone who is able to have a go at new things, and who can succeed.

3. Give Comfort

The first thing my now 19 month old does when he hurts himself is walk over to me (or Daddy, or Grandma, or Nanny...!) showing the part of his body he injured. Arms outstretched, he snuggles in for a hug and makes sure the body part in question gets a healing kiss. He likes others to know that he has a problem and knows that he can find someone else for comfort and help.

We, as adults, need to empathise with the hurt ('Ouch! Your finger is sore!') and be there to offer comfort. In doing this, we are teaching our children that if they have a problem, it helps to share it with someone. Whilst this may not seem like such a big deal when they have a cut knee, it becomes vital for their mental health when their problems are about making friends, dealing with peer pressure, struggling through school exams or not being picked for the school team. This isn't about fixing it for them but about being there with them.

4. Help your child get plenty of physical exercise.

Guidelines indicate that babies should be involved in physical activity throughout the day. Toddlers walking independently should be getting about 3 hours' exercise a day, and children under five shouldn't be inactive for long stretches. Children aged 5+ years should get about 60 minutes of exercise every day.

Our minds and our bodies are inextricably connected. If one isn't well, it will affect the health of the other. So by keeping our bodies as fit and healthy as possible, we will be helping to keep our mental states fit and healthy too. Some of the things exercise does is improve neural activity, sharpen your memory and reduce stress. The release of endorphins experienced during exercise can treat depression, reduce anxiety and lead to feelings of calm and well-being. By helping children take part in regular exercise we are giving them a tool they can use to fight any feelings of stress, anxiety and depression they might experience as they get older.

So we need to make sure we take time during the day to play actively with our children, at the level they are able to do this at. For young babies this might be helping them move their arms and legs to reach toys and splash in the bath, for toddlers it might mean walking in the garden and playing on their ride-ons, and for older children it might be going down the park slide or kicking the ball to you. 

5. Listen to music - and dance!

All children enjoy nursery rhymes and music. Lullabies gently support babies into sleep, they learn actions to go with their rhymes and they wiggle along to their favourite tunes on the radio. Children will often request an adult sing them a song (sometimes over, and over, and over again) and sometimes we burst into song to help distract our little one getting upset or annoyed about something.

Evidence from research continues to show that music is not just something fun -it is something vitally important for the development and growth of young brains. Music and song helps children to learn language skills, and it helps them to regulate their sensory systems. It helps children to calm, or to become more alert and energetic. It helps them in their listening skills and attention span. It can help relieve stress and can also help with cooperativeness (singing a song about brushing our teeth really can encourage teeth brushing!). By exposing our children to a range of music we are giving them tools for learning and development. So it is important for us to sing to our children, play music for them, and dance along to it with them. The fun we will have when doing this will also release lots of happy chemicals into our brains and body that promote healthy brain growth, give us some physical exercise and help us smile and feel joyful.

6. Do something you enjoy every day.

My little boy loves diggers at the moment. And there is no way we would get through an entire day without either reading about diggers in books, looking for them on our dog walk, or playing with them in our sand tray. He finds playing with diggers familiar, relaxing and fun. This helps him to regulate himself and the evidence of this is in the sustained attention and focus he can give these activities. His brain is bathed in hormones that help him feel relaxed and calm and this helps him be more open to learning.

Doing something fun helps ground my little one if he has just had a tough moment. If he is tired or upset, ten minutes looking at our digger books settles him down and helps him smile, ready for the next part of the day. If he is showing reluctance at getting into the car, bringing a digger with him helps him to feel secure and able to cope. 

So find out what kinds of things your child is into at the moment. It might be something specific, like trains or dolls. Or maybe a certain kind of activity, like water play. Be prepared to engage in them with these regularly. Help your child through tougher moments with them, return to them when they are starting to feel tired and worn down, or as opportunities for teaching and learning. By having frequent experiences of feeling happy and calm (with no pressure at all to complete or achieve or win or finish!) you are promoting positive mental health.

By doing all of these things on a regular basis you are helping your child to have good mental health. But one of the most important things you can do for your child's mental health is to look after your own. Not only are you modelling to your child how to look after yourself, you are also in a better place to look after your child to the best of your ability.

And really, the things that can help your children will also help you. So read again through the list above and think about whether there is any aspect of your life at the moment you could change a little to promote your own mental health!

The Vulnerability Paradox

Using Vulnerability to make Resilient Children.

The word 'vulnerable' often has many negative connotations for people, and is certainly not the first word that comes to mind if someone asks you 'what do you want for your child?' Rather, we would prefer our children to be known as resilient, strong people with self-belief and the willingness to 'get out there' and experience all they can.

I recently listened to a podcast with Brene Brown (researcher in the area of shame and vulnerability - link to the podcast here). She spoke about her life-changing research into vulnerability. To my interest, she explained that her research indicated that if we want to raise brave, engaged individuals, then - paradoxically, what we actually need to do is give them the experience of being vulnerable.

What does this mean?

Brene isn't talking about being gullible, naive, weak, frail or getting hurt. Rather, she describes vulnerability as 'courage, the ability to show up and be seen in our lives...powerful, meaning-making moments - even if they don't go well.' To help explain it, she encourages you to consider: 'Think about the last time you did something really brave, or saw someone do something really brave.' She said that in 11,000 pieces of data, she was unable to find a single example of courage that was not borne completely of vulnerability.

Maybe I paid extra attention to this podcast because of my recent move into independent working. Leaving a secure, interesting and challenging job was not an easy decision. This certainly feels like a vulnerable moment for me in my life. Yet I also feel brave, invigorated and determined. I have a suspicion already that it will probably be tough, exhausting and stressful at times, and I also believe that in years to come I will look back at this moment with a sense of achievement. This decision is becoming a significant part of the fabric of Who I Am. 

When you practice being vulnerable, you practice having the courage to take risks, aware that what you are doing might not succeed and may result in disappointment. Not only does it give you opportunities to experience a real sense of achievement, it is also likely to lead into moments when you learn about how to overcome set backs, and learn how to think about failures. It helps you shift your thinking from 'if it fails, I have failed' to 'it could fail, but that doesn't make me nothing'.

Learning resilience does not only apply to your working life, it also plays a crucial role in your approach to relationships. Speaking on relationships, Brene said this:

'Show me a woman who can sit with a man...in deep fear... and be with him in it, I will show you a woman who...does not derive her power from that man. And if you show me a man who can sit with a woman in deep struggle...and not try to fix it, but just hear her and...be with her, I'll show you a man who...doesn't derive his power from controlling and fixing everything.'

Yet we know that being these emotionally strong and competent adults, with the capacity for healthy relationships with others does not begin in adulthood. It begins at the beginning, in your relationship with your parents and in the experiences, beliefs, attitudes and approach to life they raise you with.

So how do you help your child be vulnerable?

How, as a teacher or parent, can we then protect our children but also raise them to be willing to be vulnerable - to 'put themselves out there'? How do we raise them to be courageous, strong adults?

• It is understandable that you want to try and create a perfect, pain-free world around your child. But how your child grows and learns about themselves is by experiencing - in little doses, struggles that they need to figure out and learn from. You might want to intervene and rescue your child straight away when things go wrong (and of course sometimes this is the right thing to do!) but it is so much more helpful to coach, advise and encourage your child through this. Instead of learning 'I need someone to fix my problems' they are learning 'With help, I can fix my problems'. 
• Teach your child how to assess the risk/situation in advance if possible. For example, if your child really wants to try out for a sports team, then help them to think about the different factors involved - have they been practicing? Do they think they are good? Are they willing to put in lots of hard work? This will encourage them, and teach them how to weigh up a situation carefully before entering in to it.
• Talk your child through disappointment, rather than shielding them from it. Do they want to try out for the sports team you don't think they'll get on to? Rather than suggesting they don't try out, help them to reflect on it themselves, and if they are keen to give it a go then help them as best you can. If they don't make it on to them team, then help them manage their disappointment. A 'disappointment ritual' can be very effective here:
  • Name the feeling you see - 'You look sad.'
  • Name why you think they might be feeling that - 'Maybe it's because you didn't make the team this time.'
  • Validate the emotion but help them to look for positives as well - 'it is disappointing when things don't work out as you hoped. But now you have time to do that art course you were thinking about. And I can help you practice so you can try out again next time if you want.'
• Celebrate their willingness to give it a try, rather than focusing on the measure of success. 'I really like how you put in so much practice and tried out for the school play'. 'It was so brave of you to ask the other girls in class if you could join in the game.'

Walking their way to resilience

Perhaps one of the earliest examples of encouraging your child to put themselves in a vulnerable place is when they are learning to walk. Just a handful of months old, many children experience the drive to propel themselves forward, on their own two feet - just like all of those bigger people around them. They can sense the world at their fingertips and are yearning to explore it with a never before felt sense of freedom.

How do we support our little ones at this stage of life? We help steady them, hold their hands as they take those first steps and encourage them to give it a go. We help them to look out for the stairs and sharp corners, pointing out the risks to them as they move around. We start letting go when we sense they are ready, and cover our eyes as they take their first stumbles. And when they fall we cheer them on for their hard work, help them brush themselves down and watch with admiration as they try, again and again, until one day they are walking confidently by themselves.

And through this, the child learns a huge sense of achievement. They learn perseverence, they learn about looking out for dangers and risks in their environment, and they learn when to ask for help. They learn that hard work pays off and that there are people around them who love and care for them.

Surely, this is the beginning of becoming a brave, resilient and courageous person!

Brene Brown speaks in the podcast On Being which you can listen to here.

Pay Attention!

Do you ever wonder if your child just isn't very good at paying attention? Maybe you think they have 'selective hearing' and only hear the instructions they want to hear. Or maybe they seem to switch between different activities without ever settling to finish one.

Well, time for you to pay attention to the following information!

The first thing it is important to know, is that there are different kinds of attention skills:

• Our ability to focus on something (for example, to look at a puzzle);
• Our ability to sustain our attention on a task for a length of time (for example, to finish a puzzle);
• Our ability to switch our attention between tasks (to be able to pause in doing our puzzle to listen to mum tell us something).

The second thing it is important to know is that our attention skills are developmental - they grow and develop just like walking and talking.

• So the older we are, the better our attention skills should become;
• Young children's brains just aren't developmentally ready for certain kinds of attention skills (just like we don't expect our 6 month olds to be walking and speaking in sentences!);
• And we need to have lots of opportunities to practice our attention skills in order for them to improve.

A child whose attention skills are developing well is more likely to be able to listen well, develop effective social and emotional skills, develop their academic skills, memory skills, and their speech and language skills. In fact, it is difficult to find areas of development that aren't affected by attention and listening skills! This is why, if your child is struggling (be it with speech and language, social communication or behaviour) often the best place to begin helping them is with their attention skills.

Our attention skills develop in a generally predictable pattern:

• up to 12 months: your child can focus on things but will be distracted by everything (fleeting attention)! Their attention flits from one thing to another rapidly. This is how they need to learn at this stage and is totally appropriate. This means your job is basically just to keep up with them and follow their lead!
• 1-2 years old: your child should be able to focus on one thing for a short time, if it is of their choosing (rigid attention). They still aren't ready to hold sustained attention at a task of someone else's choosing. This can make then appear stubborn and wilful at times! It's up to you to still follow their lead and possibly begin encouraging them to finish little tasks they have begun.
• 2-3 years old: attention is still single-channelled at this age, and means they can only focus on one thing at a time. They will need help to switch their attention from one thing to another. So if you are right beside your child saying their name and they seem totally absorbed in their game - don't worry, this is pretty normal at this age! You may need to say their name, get into their eyeline and tap them on the shoulder before they notice you. They will probably need help returning to the original activity afterwards too, so think about when you interrupt their play as well as how.
• 3-4 years old: attention continues to be single channelled (one activity at a time) but your child should have more control over being able to switch between tasks -so they may still need some support and prompting to switch between activities but not so much.
• 4-5 years old: you should see dual-channelled attention skills emerging, with your child being able to listen to you at the same time as doing a task. This is an emerging skills and will still need supported.
• 5+ years old: attention skills should have matured sufficiently by this age for your child to usually be able to focus themselves on a task, sustain attention and switch their attention relatively easily between tasks (controlled and sustained integrated attention).

As a general 'rule of thumb', the ability to sustain attention is broadly one minute for each year of your child's life, plus two (up to a maximum of twenty minutes). So a typical 7 year old should be able to sustain attention for 7+2=9 minutes.

So now that you know all of that, what can you do to support your child's developing attention skills?

1. Most importantly, set your expectations appropriately. Don't expect your three and four year old to hear you call their name when they are very absorbed in play, and don't expect your 8 year old to sit for much longer than 10 minutes at a task. Sometimes children show very good sustained attention if they are really enjoying something but you shouldn't expect them to be able to do that with every activity. By accepting what your child is able to achieve, you will both spend less time being frustrated.
2. Set your child up for success. Children's attention skills are immature and they need a lot of help to develop them into maturity. So reduce as many distractions as you can. Put your phone on silent when you are playing with them and turn the TV off in the room they are playing in (unless you are both choosing to watch TV as your activity!). Often we find ourselves trying to do ten housework chores while playing with our child, but we also need to spend time modelling sustained attention. So if you can, find a little time during the day - even if it is only ten minutes, where you give your child your undivided attention.  For some children, limiting their choice of toys can also help them to attend better, so if you can put some of their toys out of sight (even cover them up with a sheet) and leave out two or three at a time you might find they play for longer.
3. Think about when and how you interrupt your child's play. Have you ever been trying to remember four or five different things and then someone comes along and says something to you and you completely forget everything you were trying to remember? This is what it can be like for young children, who are investing an enormous amount of their mental processes in their play. If you need to get their attention, walk over to them, touch them on the shoulder and say their name clearly - wait until they turn around before you begin to speak to them. The chances are if they haven't turned around, they still haven't realised you are wanting their attention. If you see they are right in the middle of very absorbing play and you can wait for them to be finished, then do that. Because once you have asked them to shift their focus of attention from the task to you, it can be very difficult for them to get back into the task again. You may well need to guide them back into the task.
4. Comment on and praise your child for paying good attention or for switching attention appropriately - 'you are concentrating so hard on that picture!' 'thanks so much for listening even though you were having so much fun playing'.
5. Play fun games with your child that allow them to practice attention skills within their level. This will also give you an opportunity to model attention skills for them.
   • for 0-1 year olds: follow their gaze, interact with what they are interested in with them. Describe what you are doing and make it as fun as possible. So if your child looks across the room at a rattle, bring it to them, help them to explore the toy (by touching, shaking, probably tasting!) and describe the noise 'Shake shake shake!! Yay! We are shaking the rattle. Let's sing a song too.'
   • for 1-2 year olds: again follow their lead in play, and help them to sustain their attention to finish little tasks - whether it be building their brick tower, finishing their inset puzzle or even putting their toys back in the box before moving on to the next activity. You might find yourself saying 'let's do one more' and 'first, then...' an awful lot ('first we tidy the blocks then we play with the ball').
   • for 2-3 year olds: you can start playing stop/go games and songs. For example,  'sleeping bunnies' and 'flippy floppy scarecrow', and playing 'freeze' games like 'musical statues'.
   • for 3-4 year olds, start sitting at a table with them for table top activities. Play hide and seek or hide a toy around the house and help them count and then hunt. Play scavenger games outside (find me a flower, a feather and a stone).
   • for 4 year olds and up, start encouraging short turn taking games (like snap), and play listening games (guess the instrument). Help them to complete activities - for example building a little lego model, finishing a simple puzzle or painting a picture. Encourage them to help tidy up. Praise them for finishing. Keep activities as fun as possible (even homeworks!) and intersperse active activities with calmer activities. Children need frequent movement breaks to keep themselves calm and alert.

You might be concerned about your child's attention skills - perhaps they can't sit for as long as you want at an activity, or alternatively they seem to want to spend all of their waking moments doing one thing. Some children seem to be distracted by the littlest things, and some children can become so absorbed that they seem completely lost in their own world. There can be different reasons why children's attention skills aren't developing age-appropriately. It may be something as simple as needing their hearing checked out, or they may just be a little delayed in this area. They may not have had the same opportunities to practice their skills as other children. They may be tired, or stressed. It may also be an indicator of a more complex underlying difficulty. 

If you have any great games or suggestions you would like to share that help develop attention, please comment or get in touch. Many of the programmes I have developed focus on attention and listening skills - for example, see CONNECT (featured programme), Music Time and Listen Up. You are also very welcome to contact me for advice or suggestions.