Every one of us wants to grow happy, healthy children. We hope for them to have confidence and strong self-esteem. We want them to be able to cope with adversity, problem solve, and bounce back when things go wrong.
In a nutshell, we want our children to experience good mental health.
If we think of our mental health like our physical health, then we get to thinking that we can make our minds and emotional well-being stronger. Just like keeping our bodies healthy, we need to get involved in the right kind of regular 'exercise' that will keep our minds strong and flexible.
So what can we do with our children to help promote their mental health? Well, sometimes the best teachers are our pupils, and my one and a half year old has set a wonderful example of the kinds of things we can do with our children. Here are just a few.
1. Helping
One of the things that promotes good mental health is the feeling of being needed. As adults, we can experience this in our jobs, or in our roles as parents or even as pet owners. This feeling helps us to feel valued and connected to others.
We can encourage our little ones - even the very little ones - to get involved in 'jobs' with us. This might be putting shopping items into our trolley, sweeping the floor, helping to feed the fish or tidy away their toys. Completing these tasks will bring a real sense of achievement, help them to feel noticed and valued by you and help them feel connected.
2. Celebrate with them.
When children get stuck into something they really enjoy - and maybe learn a new skill along the way - they are quick to celebrate the fun they have had. Often with a 'yay!' and a hand clap they give themselves a pat on the back for having done so well - and often turn around to see if you, one of their favourite adults, is watching.
As adults, we can notice the times our children are doing something well and help them notice it for themselves. We can cheer them on and get excited for them - whether it is having a go at climbing up the stairs independently for the first time, working hard at finishing a puzzle, or making their first painting. This will help your children to view themselves as someone who is able to have a go at new things, and who can succeed.
3. Give Comfort
The first thing my now 19 month old does when he hurts himself is walk over to me (or Daddy, or Grandma, or Nanny...!) showing the part of his body he injured. Arms outstretched, he snuggles in for a hug and makes sure the body part in question gets a healing kiss. He likes others to know that he has a problem and knows that he can find someone else for comfort and help.
We, as adults, need to empathise with the hurt ('Ouch! Your finger is sore!') and be there to offer comfort. In doing this, we are teaching our children that if they have a problem, it helps to share it with someone. Whilst this may not seem like such a big deal when they have a cut knee, it becomes vital for their mental health when their problems are about making friends, dealing with peer pressure, struggling through school exams or not being picked for the school team. This isn't about fixing it for them but about being there with them.
4. Help your child get plenty of physical exercise.
Guidelines indicate that babies should be involved in physical activity throughout the day. Toddlers walking independently should be getting about 3 hours' exercise a day, and children under five shouldn't be inactive for long stretches. Children aged 5+ years should get about 60 minutes of exercise every day.
Our minds and our bodies are inextricably connected. If one isn't well, it will affect the health of the other. So by keeping our bodies as fit and healthy as possible, we will be helping to keep our mental states fit and healthy too. Some of the things exercise does is improve neural activity, sharpen your memory and reduce stress. The release of endorphins experienced during exercise can treat depression, reduce anxiety and lead to feelings of calm and well-being. By helping children take part in regular exercise we are giving them a tool they can use to fight any feelings of stress, anxiety and depression they might experience as they get older.
So we need to make sure we take time during the day to play actively with our children, at the level they are able to do this at. For young babies this might be helping them move their arms and legs to reach toys and splash in the bath, for toddlers it might mean walking in the garden and playing on their ride-ons, and for older children it might be going down the park slide or kicking the ball to you.
5. Listen to music - and dance!
All children enjoy nursery rhymes and music. Lullabies gently support babies into sleep, they learn actions to go with their rhymes and they wiggle along to their favourite tunes on the radio. Children will often request an adult sing them a song (sometimes over, and over, and over again) and sometimes we burst into song to help distract our little one getting upset or annoyed about something.
Evidence from research continues to show that music is not just something fun -it is something vitally important for the development and growth of young brains. Music and song helps children to learn language skills, and it helps them to regulate their sensory systems. It helps children to calm, or to become more alert and energetic. It helps them in their listening skills and attention span. It can help relieve stress and can also help with cooperativeness (singing a song about brushing our teeth really can encourage teeth brushing!). By exposing our children to a range of music we are giving them tools for learning and development. So it is important for us to sing to our children, play music for them, and dance along to it with them. The fun we will have when doing this will also release lots of happy chemicals into our brains and body that promote healthy brain growth, give us some physical exercise and help us smile and feel joyful.
6. Do something you enjoy every day.
My little boy loves diggers at the moment. And there is no way we would get through an entire day without either reading about diggers in books, looking for them on our dog walk, or playing with them in our sand tray. He finds playing with diggers familiar, relaxing and fun. This helps him to regulate himself and the evidence of this is in the sustained attention and focus he can give these activities. His brain is bathed in hormones that help him feel relaxed and calm and this helps him be more open to learning.
Doing something fun helps ground my little one if he has just had a tough moment. If he is tired or upset, ten minutes looking at our digger books settles him down and helps him smile, ready for the next part of the day. If he is showing reluctance at getting into the car, bringing a digger with him helps him to feel secure and able to cope.
So find out what kinds of things your child is into at the moment. It might be something specific, like trains or dolls. Or maybe a certain kind of activity, like water play. Be prepared to engage in them with these regularly. Help your child through tougher moments with them, return to them when they are starting to feel tired and worn down, or as opportunities for teaching and learning. By having frequent experiences of feeling happy and calm (with no pressure at all to complete or achieve or win or finish!) you are promoting positive mental health.
By doing all of these things on a regular basis you are helping your child to have good mental health. But one of the most important things you can do for your child's mental health is to look after your own. Not only are you modelling to your child how to look after yourself, you are also in a better place to look after your child to the best of your ability.
And really, the things that can help your children will also help you. So read again through the list above and think about whether there is any aspect of your life at the moment you could change a little to promote your own mental health!