Happy Father’s Day to all you daddies out there, but especially to the dads in my life. Each one of them are amazing men and outstanding fathers.
Psychology tells us that having present, engaged fathers in children’s lives are important. Growing up, I learned this for myself. I want to share with you three things my dad taught me, things that every dad can teach their children.
1- I matter.
Growing up, my dad always had time to listen to me. He worked hard to make the time we had together special. He hugged me, gave me kisses and made me giggle. He wiped tears away and picked me up after falls. As I got older, he stuck with me through the teenage mood swings and dramas (I’m not sure how- well done dad!). He took them seriously, gave me a chance to figure things out and offered quiet advice. When I disowned my parents as most teenagers attempt to do, he gave me a bit of space and let me have a go at independence. Now, as an adult we spend lots of time talking together. He’s one of my best friends.
This taught me that someone cares for me. It taught me I am lovable, and have value. It taught me that I am important. So when I got older, I held these beliefs about myself. It gave me confidence to believe that others would think the same about me, helped me to trust and love others. And if I ever lost confidence in myself, spending time with my dad was often enough to centre me again.
Dads, the time you spend with your children really matters. How you interact with them teaches them about themselves. It can teach them that they count, they matter. It will help them to become self-confident people who can trust and love others.
All you need to do is show your children that you love them. Be affectionate. Make your time together precious. Tell them how much you care. If you tell your child they are important, they will learn to believe this about themselves.
2- Healthy relationships
From being a very little person, I watched my dad loving my mum. I observed how they spoke to one another, how they figured out problems, how they supported each other when times were tougher.
The whole time, I was learning about what a healthy relationship should look like. I learned that men should be attentive, gentle, helpful. I learned that fathers should contribute, listen and at all times keep their family their priority.
So when I started making friends (and having boyfriends), I already had a blueprint for what those relationships should look like. I tried to treat others with respect and compassion and expected the same from others. This helped me to form and establish healthy relationships with the people around me. It also helped me identify the people who didn’t have my best interests at heart, and gave me an idea of what I could do to help others who had been hurt in their relationships with other people.
Dads- how you interact with your partners matters. Not only are you showing important love and respect to your significant others, you are also showing your children what relationships should look like. We often hear the phrase ‘history repeating itself’ and there is some truth in that- children’s relationships with others throughout their child and adult lives can often mirror that of their parents’.
3- I can achieve
My dad has always had a sense of adventure that was utterly infectious. When I was little, he spun me round and round until I fell over. He helped me walk on walls and run through the trees. As I got older he made me go-karts, souped up my bicycles and cheered me on as I attempted to roller boot down the steepest hill I could find.
Dad did this gently. He joined in, he modeled it, he encouraged me. He helped me to sort it out when it went wrong and he invited me to keep trying. He never forced me to do something that was too far out my comfort zone and never scoffed at me for failing - or being afraid.
I became confident to give things a go- to push myself. The belief that ‘I can’ meant that I jumped in with both feet into my studies. I coped with making mistakes. I could handle the risk of failure and became resilient about failing. As an adult, this translates into having some sense of ambition, seizing opportunities, and having strategies to cope when things don’t go as planned.
And equally as important, I know my dad is always there. He is one of my safe bases, my securities. I know that no matter what, I can return to him and feel safe. This is such a crucial aspect of resilience, confidence, and jumping into opportunities.
So all you fathers out there, be a safe place for your children to return to. Let them know that you will always be there for them- to listen, hug, help - no judgments, unconditionally. Encourage your children to be brave. Do brave things with them! Celebrate with them when things go well and help them figure out what to do when they don’t.
Thanks dad. This one’s for you.
PS I also learned a lot about terrible jokes. YouTube video just for you.